Be careful what you send into the Universe.
Since my last post was about not taking anything personal, the Universe responded, “Oh yeah Veronica. Can you really do that? Let’s see. Here’s one for you.” In that post I talked about a friend being upset with me and I wasn’t exactly sure why, although I had a hunch. Turns out, my hunch was right and it’s all clear to me now. However, even though I intellectually know that it’s not personal, the initial emotional shock of it felt like a deep personal jab. And as I thought we’d be able to work it out, we can’t and won’t.
There were a couple sleepless nights and tears shed as I worked through it in my head and heart. I’m in a good place now where I can say that I’m grateful for our friendship and honestly, I’m grateful that it’s over. What a reminder that everything is temporary, nothing is guaranteed. Space has been created for new and existing friendships to flourish. I feel freer in a way and I’ve already seen other relationships open up as a result. I didn’t realize how much I depended on her friendship and let myself close off to other relationships because I thought, “I’m good in the friendship department. I don’t have time or energy for more.” In thinking so, I’m sure there were many missed opportunities for wonderful, fun, fulfilling friendships to develop. I’m grateful for this awakening to my hardened, erroneous thinking. There is always more room for genuine connection.
Just as everything is Divine timing and we’re constantly drawing to us the support we need, a couple quotes came to me to help see the light in this situation (I love quotes, if you haven’t guessed already from previous posts). One being a passage from A New Earth (possibly my favorite book), “You construct a conceptual identity for an individual or group, and you say: “This is who he is. This is who they are.” When you confuse the ego that you perceive in others with their identity, it is the work of your own ego that uses this misperception to strengthen itself through being right and therefore superior, and through reacting with condemnation, indignation, and often anger against the perceived enemy.”
I think of this going both ways. I use it when trying to understand where she’s coming from and why she reacted so strongly. And I go back to it to fix my limited thinking when I want to judge her by this one situation.
The other is a quote I have hanging on my fridge. It continues to support me in new ways all the time and it was part of the inspiration for this blog. Buddha said, “In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.”
I had to accept that this friendship was not meant for me anymore. So how gracefully can I let it go? How gentle can I be with myself and her? How can this open me to more love and comapssion? Those questions helped me breathe deep and be still enough to see the way in this situation that led to an open heart, better understanding, and peace within.
Writing this post has further allowed me to sort through what happened. It doesn’t matter who reads it because it has been a healing tool for me. For those of you who are reading, thank you for being here and allowing me to share. This blog has been one of the greatest gifts of my life. My hope is that you feel some blessing from it as well. Sat Nam, friends.